Every year for my birthday, I mope around and shun the day. I’m not going to say that I “hate” my birthday per se, but it’s definitely one of the last things I choose to think about. Well, that was the case up until January 7, 2014 at 10:42 p.m.
From the time I made it home on New Year’s Day up until 1 hour and 18 minutes before my 26th birthday, I was completely miserable. When the New Year comes in, we have time to reflect on the past and be grateful, but we also think about how far we still have to go. Unfortunately, I’m the person who tends to think about how much I haven’t accomplished instead of basking in the moments of greatness that I’ve crossed. I become anxious and in turn, tend to neglect the fact that I’m human and life won’t be exactly how I want it to be when I want it to be. I have an issue with wanting to succeed so badly that I forget to make myself happy in the process.
My main goal in life is to always give my family and those closest to me something to be proud of. Truth be told, I want to be a person that they can look at and say, “She’s done everything she said she would and for that, I’m proud of her, I love her and she’s apart of me.” Regardless of how much we think acceptance and appreciation isn’t important to us, it’s really our driving force from those we care for most.
My birthday – since it’s at the top of the year – is usually the time of year that I’m by myself because everyone is either back in school or still coming off of the holiday break. My mood is somber and I’m completely caught up in how much I feel I still have to accomplish in order to hit a certain time frame of success I’ve set for myself. If I am doing anything with other people, it’s usually what people think I would like or what seems to be convenient for them. I can’t even remember the last time someone asked me what color I wanted on my own cake. Year after year though, I smile and pretend that everything is fine, when really it isn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’m always fully appreciative of everything that comes my way on my birthday, but I just can’t remember the last time I myself celebrated how I wanted to. Everyone deserves to have their birthday – and other celebrations – done just how they want it, right?
It wasn’t until I had an almost three hour catch up session with a good friend of mine that I realized how selfish I had been to myself over the years. After we ended our conversation and I had time to really sit down and think about a few things, I realized how I had been letting others dictate how happy I was supposed to be on my day and even in my life. From people telling me that I should go out even when I didn’t want to because “you have to go out on your birthday” to not even wanting to celebrate my own day because of the way others made me feel in the past. After 25 – and almost 26 years – of birthdays coming and going, it was in that moment that I realized that it was MY birthday, which meant it was MY responsibility to enjoy it. Why be a sourpuss on the day that’s meant to be celebrated by me? So, you know what I did? I changed it…
January 8, 2014 marked my New Year. While I officially brought it in with new friends and familiar faces during the same time everyone else did, I didn’t mentally process what starting a “new year” really meant. Not only does it represent the physical sense of something new, but it also means a reNEWing of the mind and spirit. A re-programming or reset of how we choose to live life, if you will. It’s literally as if we’re given another chance at life every single year, but we very seldom take advantage of it.
What did I do to change it, you ask? I did what made ME happy. No, it didn’t include taking a trip out of the country or spending hundreds of dollars on clothes and shoes, but instead the regular things that we take for granted day in and day out. I simply chose to do eight things that would bring me joy since ultimately, I’m the only one in charge of how much I deserve to have.
The first thing I did was take myself out to a movie that I wouldn’t normally go see in theatres. I did this because I wanted to open my mind up to something out of my comfort zone and see how it affected me. The best thing about it was my ticket cost me $5 opposed to the original of almost $12 – score!
I purchased myself a bouquet of flowers. As women, we usually wait for men to buy us flowers and take us on dates. Nowadays though, most men don’t buy flowers until you cry over and over again about how much you want them. Why not make your own day special and pick up a nice bouquet for yourself? I can guarantee you’ll feel like a queen once you do.
Since I wasn’t around my family this year, I didn’t get that cake that my sister always gets for me. So I had to improvise. With improvising though, comes a new tradition. I’ll be purchasing the cupcake of MY choice from here on out on my day (even when I get the cake that my sister or whoever gets for me). I even had two employees sing “Happy Birthday” to me and give me hugs. It was embarrassing, but it was truly a warming feeling! We need more people like them in the world!
One of my goals for 2014 is to become more involved with the reading of my bible. So, to add to my list, I chose a passage from the bible that I’ve never read before and became familiar with it. It was perfect timing in my life as well; reference Psalm 108 (Get it? Psalm 108 = 1/08 – January 8? No? Well I thought it was cool haha)
Right before the New Year, I saw this really cool idea online of making a reflection jar. Every time something positive happens to you, you would write it down on a piece of paper and throw it in the jar. At the end of the year, you open it up and reflect on just how much positivity came your way throughout the ending year. I now am the proud owner of a reflection/blessing jar that plans to be filled by the end of the year.
When I was younger, my mom would always buy a set of scratch offs – one for her and an additional one for me. Although I’ve been old enough to buy my own scratch off for many years now, I never did it. I finally did it today and won a free ticket!
I’m not really a drinker, but that doesn’t mean I don’t drink. Today was the perfect day to take advantage of that. I went to a bar, ordered a drink and dinner on the side. It wasn’t as awkward as most people make it look on TV – trust me.
Last but not least, I did this. I’m not too big on sharing portions of my life with anyone, but I feel like my journey and experiences in a new place could eventually help someone else going through something similar. For now, my advice to everyone is to make every day your birthday. You control your happiness, which means only you can let someone take it away. It’s YOUR party so just vibe how you want to! Here’s to the REAL start to 2014!