Recharge & Refill: The Importance of Taking Time For Yourself

As a single woman who freelances, the amount of stress that I undergo weekly is quite high. I pinpoint the fact that I'm single and I freelance because everything tends to fall on me if I don't get enough work done, find new clients per month, or if I mismanage my funds. There is no husband, boyfriend, or rich family willing to pick up the slack if things don't fall into formation during any given month. Now, that's not to say that women who have all of the aforementioned still don't experience stress similar to what I'm about to dive into, but I honestly can't speak for them because I've never been married and have actually been single for a few years now. So, that's that.

With all of the work that fills my email or all of the queries for people who want work, my day to day schedule can become quite stressful. Though I don't work a typical 9-5 job, having to work for myself means that I have no set hours to work. It also means that I have to sometimes turn down work because I either have no time, don't want to compromise my integrity, or simply put, the amount that they are offering me is too low for the job that they are requiring. Do I love being an entrepreneur? Absolutely. Do I love the stress that comes along with it? Eh, not so much.

Stress can come in many forms when you're running your own machine. It could be because of looming deadlines or because when the bills come rolling in, you realize that you didn't work as hard or as much as you thought you did. And the latter, my friends, is quite possibly the worst of the stresses out there. I thought I knew what stress was like in college, but real life problems literally have nothing on college stresses.

"Self-motivation isn't something that many people have, and truthfully, it's something that you have to find in yourself every single day."

Although some days are filled with more stress than the others, I've learned over time that if I don't find ways to de-escalate my stress, I'll make myself sick, increase my anxiety, and end up talking myself out of how great I truly am. Because, you know, I'm really the world's greatest (word to The Pied-Piper of R&B) and really, you should be telling yourself you are too.

Recently, I went through a super discouraging moment. When you're trying to build a brand by yourself, it's easy to want to quit every time something doesn't go according to plan or when you start looking at the people around you living out their dreams. I'm not going to lie to you, it's hard. It's really hard when you feel like you should be further than where you are, but you're not quite there yet. That's not to say you won't get there, but every day you wake up, the choice you make dictates the pace of your journey. Self-motivation isn't something that many people have, and truthfully, it's something that you have to find in yourself every single day.

Those that know me, know that I do my best to motivate anyone I come in contact with. I find extreme importance in this because everyone needs someone and even if it's just in the smallest form, you have the ability to be that person for anyone. I mean, look, I sat down in the midst of my discouragement and wrote this post to help you in the future, lol.

With all the time that I dedicate to others through my work, words of encouragement, prayers, motivational talks and calls, I realized that I'm literally no good to anyone if I haven't taken time to recharge and refill myself. I learned that in order for me to focus better, make my vision clearer, and provide the best form of myself to my clients, friends, family, God, and my own self, it's a necessity for me to take time for myself outside of watching television or listening to music.

"Sometimes when you're going through discouraging times or are in a place of emptiness, the only thing that can keep you going is your vision."

Here are a few ways that I've been able to recharge and refill myself when I'm pretty much at my breaking point that could be useful for you, too:

1. Go on a trip: Now of course, this doesn't mean clear out my savings or put myself in a bind to travel across the country, but it does mean finding some local gems to visit for a day. To be quite honest, this is usually my first option when I need to recharge or refill because seeing something new — even if I'm not traveling far — always gives me motivation, clarity, and peacefulness to push through whatever has me down. It also gives me time to connect with God, reminisce on what He's taken me from, and meditate on where He's taking me to. It's really a win/win, if you ask me. Try exploring a new part of your city or taking a trip to a nearby landmark that you've always wanted to visit the next time you're feeling drained.

2. Write out your feelings: Journaling, with an actual pen and notebook, will forever be therapeutic to me. When I make it a priority to journal, I'm writing out my raw and unfiltered feelings. I'm never worried about what I say because I know that getting it out is the best way to get through it. Journaling also serves as a way to keep track of how far I've come. For example, earlier this year, I went back and read through some journal entries dating back to 2013 and it revealed just how far I've come emotionally, mentally, financially, and within in my career. At the time I went back to read those entries, I was feeling stagnant and useless, so seeing how far I've come was a way to help me through my moment. Though I'm not able to journal every single day, I at least try to get an entry in once a week and make it a point to pick up my journal when I'm in a bad funk.

3. Head to church: When I was at my lowest point, I discovered the most beneficial thing for me was to find encouragement outside of the people who knew me well because they had become my comfort zone. Going to church whenever I could and joining groups in my church really helped me. Not only did it give me different perspectives on my situation, it forced me to meet new people and see that love comes in many different forms. Now, when I have a exhausting moment, I know that not only are the members of my church groups supportive, I can also go to my Pastor and receive genuine encouragement, too. If you're one of those people that runs away from God when things go wrong (because I've definitely been there too), I'm here to tell you that it's much better to run to Him in your time of need. Trying to get through life alone when you're empty is much more difficult than getting through while God is filling you up. If you can't make service during the week in addition to Sunday, be sure to find some friends that can pour into you, keep some helpful Bible verses laying around, and have a few sermons that you can listen to in the form of podcasts. A few of my favorite are The Potter's Touch (T.D. Jakes), In Touch Ministries (Dr. Charles Stanley), and Grace to You (John MacArthur).

4. Re-read your goals or inspirational writings: Sometimes when you're going through discouraging times or are in a place of emptiness, the only thing that can keep you going is your vision. I've had many days when I just didn't see how what I was doing was going to form into what I've seen it could be. In those moments though, that's when I have to revert back to the list of goals I have, the Promises I know God has made me, and the motivational or inspirational things I've written. Most of the time, the things that I end up writing to someone else to encourage them, ends up being used as the same thing to encourage me. It's hard seeing your vision and not being able to accomplish it right when you want to, but be encouraged by knowing that God wouldn't have given you that vision if it couldn't be obtained. Stay the course and write reminders of your "why" as often as you can. The time will come where it'll all line up. (PS - I'm really writing this for me to come back and read at a later date. See how that all worked out?)

5. Go on a walk to get some fresh air: When I'm dealing with a heavy dose of anxiety, I literally feel as if I can't breathe. My lungs feel like they're closing in and every breathing exercise I taught myself when I was a broke college student dealing with asthma, gets thrown out of the window. If I'm overwhelmed with work or just life, I tend to hit the outdoors for a walk or a run to clear my mind and notice all of the good things that God created. For me, doing that reminds me that even in the ugliest of situations, beauty lies underneath it. When I take this route, which can also be combined with the first suggestion, I usually get the answer I need or at least find a better way to handle what I'm going through. Try putting the keys down and lacing up your sneakers the next time things get tough.

6. Cry it out. Even if you don't want to: With women now being expected to be these tough and independent beings, shedding tears has become so rare amongst us. And, to be honest, that's really sad to me. For men, it's even worse because society scorns you for showing emotion and deems you as weak if you do. I, on the other hand, truly think that crying — when done when needed and in moderation — is really healthy. You shouldn't feel like you can't cry. I've always looked at crying as a way to wash away the negatives of what you're going through. Some situations may need more washing than others, and that's totally fine. At times, you really just need a good old fashioned cry to fix the problem, and no one should feel bad about letting it out. Cry as loud as you want, as hard as you want, and as long as you need to. As long as you feel cleansed at the end, that's all that matters. In the words of the O.G.'s R.E.M.: "everybody hurts, sometimes." Let it out. I guarantee you'll feel a little better after you do.

Now that I've given you a few ways that I recharge and refill when I'm pretty much on empty, what are some ways you found to help you through your rough patches? Talk to me and let me know! And, if you happen to take any of my ideas, let me know if they help!

Until next time, friends!

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." - Isaiah 40:29

-Kp