To say that my 28th year was incredible doesn't do it justice. From being incredibly great to delivering feelings of incredible anxiety, the last year of my life was as great as I let it be. Some of those days leveled out at a high number of 10, while others came in at a smooth 0.5 on the scale. Nevertheless, I successfully conquered another year and can live to tell the lessons learned.
Though 2016 delivered some of the world's most awful moments in history, I'm so appreciative for this year of my life because it taught me more than I could have ever expected. I'm sure I'll say that next year and the year after, but since I haven't gotten that far yet, I'll just stick with 28 holding the title.
With 28 being dubbed my #YearOfTheGreat and the actual year holding the #Grow2016 title, I can honestly say that the idea to claim what I wanted my year to be by incorporating it in my social media hashtags, definitely helped me to see it form into reality. Every time I opened up my social media platforms or posted a picture, I saw what I was claiming under photos of myself as well as my family and friends. If I never saw the importance in speaking life over yourself before this year, I definitely understood it by year's end.
Usually I'm a nervous wreck about encountering another year, but since 28 was so good to me, I couldn't help but be on the up and up as I approached 29. Of course, it still makes my stomach turn to say "I'm 29," but my last year taught me to be OK with everything coming my way.
Certainly, that wasn't the only thing I learned, so I wouldn't be me if I didn't let you in on what 28 did for me.. Take a look at the 28 things my 28th year taught me and the things I'm sure the golden year will teach you, too.
1. It's OK to not be OK: If you're not a stranger to my writing, you'll know that I've touched on the topic of my depression previously. Though I'm not in that same space as I was before, some days weren't as good as I'd like them to be. I learned this year to open up about the things that made me sad, mad, or even the slightest bit of uncomfortable. As much as people want you to think that talking about your issues are a burden or that you should keep them to yourself, 28 taught me that it's totally OK to not be OK and it's more than OK to talk to people about it.
2. Learn to be your own best friend: I spent way too many days and nights by myself. When no one wanted to answer my calls or could be there for me like I needed, I could only rely on God and myself. This year proved to me that you have to learn to be your own best friend before you look for anything in anyone else. Take yourself out, treat yourself nice, and give yourself the world. You deserve it more than you realize.
3. There's nothing wrong with starting over: I've re-designed my website four times since I purchased the domain in 2013. For awhile, I felt like I just couldn't figure out what direction I wanted to go in and I felt like a failure because of it. I kept saying, "Why can't I just be like ____?" or "Why can't I just get right?"But what I didn't realize is that my starting over was how I was essentially discovering who I needed to be. Trial and error isn't all that fun, but it's definitely needed in this thing we call life. This year, I think I finally found where I'm supposed to be.
4. Learn to embrace consistency: If we're being transparent (which we are), the only thing I'm good at being consistent with is being inconsistent. I discovered that about myself this year and now that I know that, I'm working on improving. Consistency is what moves you to the next level of your greatness, so if you're lacking that, don't become frustrated when life keeps you stagnant.
5. Be OK with things changing: On the flip side, 28 taught me to embrace the change that I wasn't ready for. I left my job duties writing for a site that I loved so much to take on a more creative role for them and it was a tough thing for me. However, when one door closes, God will open up so many more. Although I wasn't expecting all of the great things to happen to me that 2016 brought forth, I'm so grateful that I embraced the change that came my way in 2016 because had I not, I wouldn't be where I am now.
6. Let people show you that they can change: I know I'm not the only one that shuts down when they get hurt. I mean, if you did it once, you'll do it again, right? Well, 2016 taught me that this method of thinking isn't always correct. If someone is telling you that they're willing to try — family, friend, or lover — who are you to not forgive? I'm not saying completely forget what they did, but it's really our job to forgive people and love them through their transgressions. Just make sure you love yourself enough to know when it's time to let them go.
7. Love people: I know that sounds simple, but just like I stated previously, loving people through their transgressions is a job of ours. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as it sounds — especially if they've hurt you. This will probably be on my list every year because it really is something that you have to strive to do every day and probably won't successfully nail at any point in your life.
8. Celebrate yourself as much as you celebrate others: This was a big one for me. I'm not one to brag on myself or my accomplishments. Heck, I don't even like to let people know when good things happen to me. However, a good friend of mine reminded me that if I didn't applaud myself this year for all that I've done, why would other people do it? It's very similar to having faith in yourself. If you don't have the most faith in yourself, why would anyone else. You don't need people to celebrate you before you celebrate yourself. Why jump on your own bandwagon after everyone else?
9. Check-in with yourself more: This year, I spent a lot of time asking myself if I really prepared as much as I claimed I did. I asked myself if the reason why things weren't done was because of others or my procrastination, too. Checking in with myself was one of the most important things to do because it made me create accountability for myself and take notice of my own issues.
10. Don't be afraid of new things: We are creatures of habit. We like what we like and most of the time, only like it because that's all we know. This year, that all changed for me. I tried new foods, spent time with new people, and tried my hand at writing new things. Though everything wasn't great, some things were and I'm glad I was able to experience them.
11. Be honest with yourself about everything: Don't want to go to an event? Say that instead of lying. Feel hurt about something that someone did? Stop telling yourself and them that it's OK. My 28th year taught me that it's time to be honest with myself about the way I feel. We're too old to continue lying to people — especially your own self.
12. Love & family are more important than anything on this earth: Love is a tricky subject for me because it scares me. I've been in love and I've had my heart ripped out of my chest and stomped on. My luck with love hasn't been all that great, but oddly enough, I'm still a hopeless romantic. However, I learned that two of the most important things that will never leave you if you keep them close are love and family. Appreciate them and stop blocking them out. Let the good times roll and be OK with letting it happen as often as possible.
13. Every day is good. No matter what happens: Regardless of what happened yesterday, today is a new day. Though I definitely understand that every day may not feel good, I took on the manta this year that life is actually really, really great. Sure, there are unfortunate, untimely and uncomfortable things that happen to you, but essentially, nothing bad happens because you find a way to get through it and keep fighting. Let something good happen to you every day, by noticing that every day is good.
14. Let people love you: And let them love you fully. Sometimes, you need that love — even if you don't think you deserve it.
15. Stand firm in your decisions: Stop questioning how you feel. If you say you don't like something, then stand in that decision. Don't let people talk you out of it.
16. Get in the habit of ignoring negativity: I learned that not everything deserves an explanation, feedback, or my energy. You should, too.
17. Spend more time recharging: This year drained me. I could never give my best to anything because I wasn't my best. In order to fix that, I took a certain amount of time per month to go to a secluded space and see something new. It was my time to recharge, reconnect, and realign my heart, body, mind, and spirit. It was literally the best thing that I could have done this year.
18. Be open to receiving whatever comes your way: Just because the blessing doesn't look like what you prayed for, that doesn't mean that it's not apart of God's plan. This year, I spent more time embracing the things God brought my way instead of trying to figure out why they weren't in the form that I prayed for. Sometimes the blessing is after the detour, so just let it happen.
19. Remember why you started: Ever wonder why what you want is delayed or why you keep putting off what you start? You've probably lost sight of why you even started. Remember your why and get moving.
20. Get your focus together: What are you thinking about every day? Remember: what you focus on becomes what you work on. Get your focus in order and make something happen.
21. You're totally killing life where you are. Don't rush the success: I've had more moments of "Why am I not further ahead than this?" than I can even count. I've cried, sulked, and pitched a fit about it, too. This year though, I was reminded that you have to let God do His thing and do your part by remaining persistent and consistent. Something my mom said helped me get there and that was, "Your life seems like it's going slow because you're doing all the right things. Nothing fast brings long lasting good." Stop trying to rush to your blessings. They're not going anywhere.
22. It's OK to admit you're happy: Even when people around you aren't happy, don't downplay how you feel to make anyone else comfortable. Be happy and be happy about feeling that way.
23. Increase the peace: Turn down the aggressive relationships you have. If you have to be overly aggressive, passive aggressive or reactively aggressive too often, you need to remove yourself out of those situations. Increase the peace in your life so that you can focus on the things you truly need to.
24. Love who you are: Being a black woman right now is really hard. However, 28 and 2016 taught me to really love who I am regardless of the way people make you feel about yourself. Love yourself unconditionally and notice how great you are without anyone else's validation. Trust me, you don't need it.
25. You're closer to adulthood than you've probably realized, and that's really scary: And it's totally OK to be a little afraid. I didn't realize I was really an adult until I started thinking about purchasing a house and all that I need in it. It made me realize that I have to really make decisions on my own and do what I feel is right for me. If that's not being an adult, I don't know what is.
26. Let the thought of fear go: 28 gave me so many new things in my life and I was absolutely terrified to jump into them. However, this was the year that I promised myself that fear wouldn't be my downfall in life. Fear is just another way of you feeling like you aren't good enough for something or someone and that's the furthest thing from the truth. Give yourself more credit and conquer your fears. If it helps, ask yourself if you would be OK with being where you are now at the age of 40. If the answer is no, start knocking those fears out of place.
27. Thank your past for letting your down: Listen. This was the single most important lesson I learned at 28. It may sound funny, but everything you didn't have or didn't obtain in your past is how you ended up being where you are now. You can argue this point and say that maybe that's why some "good" things haven't happened to you, but those things that let you down taught you patience, sacrifice, compromise, forgiveness, unconditional love, and how to trust again. Life is really what you make it, so stop letting your past bring the negative out of your present and future.
28. Apply yourself to match the vision of your dream: Get persistent about the things you've envisioned. If God gave you the vision, He's given you the ability to achieve it. It's up to you to embrace that or feel sorry for yourself. The choice is really yours. As for me, I learned that there are no successful sob stories in life. The only heroes I know of and want to be mentioned with are the ones who made something out of nothing and conquered their fears. You should want that, too.
Did you feel the same way at 28 or are you anticipating some great things to happen this year? Tweet me with the hashtag #YearOfTheGreat to let me know!
"Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." — Isaiah 43:19
With Creative (and Encouraging) Thoughts,
-Kp