29 Things The Last Year Of My 20s Taught Me And I'm Sure You'll Pick Up Too

The day is finally here. I turned 30. The big 3-0. The "dirty 30". Whatever you choose to call it, the year of 30 in a woman's life is supposed to be this big thing, but when most people mention it, it's led by fear. Throughout the entire year of 29, I felt confident about leaving my 20s and embarking into this new unknown decade of life. As I got four weeks away from entering it though, I started feeling an immense amount of anxiety. I thought about everything I should have, everything I did wrong, and all that I still wanted to accomplish, but hadn't. It honestly wasn't until the week before my birthday that I reflected on all the things that turning 29 had taught me and how great going into 30 would really be.

Of course, 29 had some pretty rough patches, but the year actually brought with it some of the most appreciated moments to have happened in my life thus far. I let a few things go, traveled more, loved myself better, and found more reasons than I can count to smile big. Realizing that you're really headed into adulthood can be scary, but my 29th year proved to be nothing but a blessing, offered plenty of lessons, and helped me learn to knock off all the stressing.

Although I understand that everyone will learn in their own timing and in their own way, here's hoping that these 29 things I experienced can help you through your last year in the 20 club. And trust me, it's not as bad as you think.

1. Get intentional: This had to have been the biggest thing I took away from being 29 because without intention, you really don't have much. There have been too many times where I said I wanted to do something and didn't put the effort in to do it. Whether it was growing in my relationship with God, posting more on my blog, or even just staying consistent with the budget I set, I had to realize that I wasn't really being intentional about getting things done. So, I made the decision to start doing just that. I had to figure out what would help me accomplish every goal that I was setting and get intentional about the process. Once I made that decision, I began to see things much clearer.

2. It's OK to feel: One of the things that I saw a lot this year — especially in men — was the fear to feel. Whether they were happy, sad, mad, or hurt, they did their best to hide that. In the past, I can honestly say I was like that too and know so many people that can say it as well. This past year of life (and probably the three years before it) taught me that you have to allow yourself to feel how you feel or it can cause issues in your life in the future. Of course, no one wants to be viewed as overly emotional, but the only way you can figure out how to rectify any situation in your life is to acknowledge that it's real. Your emotions fall in that category, too.

3. Set your boundaries and don't settle: In the past, I can say that I wasn't good at setting boundaries. I learned this year that not setting boundaries can cost me relationships, money, and peace of mind. It doesn't matter what it is in your life, you have to give it boundaries. From placing boundaries on your dating life to placing them on the way you conduct business, you'll figure out how much people value you if they choose to overstep them. But, you can't hold them accountable if you haven't drawn the line in the sand.

4. Be realistic about who you are: When anyone would ask me if I was a procrastinator in the past, my answer would always be no. Truth of the matter is though, I totally am! It wasn't until I was realistic about who I really was that I was able to take the necessary steps to adjust. Being honest with yourself about the traits you possess and the characteristics that you may want to change will help you so much during your 29th year and the years to come.

5. You need to heal: Sure, everyone will say that they've healed from their past when asked, but have you honestly sat down and taken note of the traumatic things that have happened to you? I did that this year and realized that I really haven't healed from many of the things that hurt me in the past. We have a habit of using the "I'm OK" excuse for everything and then do our best to bury our hurt. What we should be doing though is finding a way to heal the hurt or find someone that can help us do that. It may take time to get there, but the path to healing is beautiful and much appreciated.

6. Forgiveness and healing don't always run congruent: One of the most important things that 29 (and 2017) taught me is that forgiving someone does not always mean that you have to heal at the same time. People will convince you that the two go hand-in-hand, but they really don't. You can forgive someone for hurting you right after it happens, but the trauma sometimes lasts much longer. Be honest with them and yourself about your healing process.

7. Getting older is beautiful: As I was getting ready to turn 30, all of the "jokes" started coming in about how old I was. Along with those jokes though, came the statements like "when are you planing to settle down? When are you going to have a baby? You're getting up there!" When people would say those things it made me feel as if getting older wasn't as pleasant as I thought it would be. What 29 taught me though, was that getting older is really beautiful. You get to take all the wisdom that your 20s taught you and apply it to the rest of your life. You realize that appreciating the small things are just as wonderful as fawning over the big accomplishments. Getting older is something that has a greater effect on you than just finding financial stability and "settling down". It's a feeling and experience that, when done with admiration for growth, can change your entire journey.

8. You're only as old as you act: I've always been told that there is power in the words you speak, but this year I really found that to be true. My go-to saying was "I'm too old for that" or "You know us old people..." and though it was a joke, I started to literally believe I was old. I would end up spending more time on my couch than I would doing anything else and make myself believe that it was OK. Now though, I'm being intentional about getting out and spending more time with those that are closest to me. And, when someone makes a comment about me "getting up in age," my only response is "I'm in my prime. Where are you?"

9. You can understand someone's actions, but that doesn't mean you have to accept them: When people do wrong, they like to pass it off as it just being the way that they are. In actuality, however, it's just the way that they choose to be. People will use their past as an excuse to not make their actions better and while you may understand the impact the past has, you don't have to accept it. Especially when it's hurtful or unhealthy for you.

10. You can be the problem sometimes. Get used to admitting that: No one wants to admit that they're the cause of something going sour, but 29 taught me that you can't always be the victim. Sometimes, you have to own up to your part in something going wrong — even if you weren't the main cause of it falling apart. Doing that promotes growth and can honestly start you down the road to healing.

11. You have to stop choosing down: This one was a tough one for me to admit this year, but once I did, it made things easier. Whether in relationships or in business, I chose down. By that I mean I accepted less than my worth and value and tried to convince myself that those things were what I was deserving of. You have to remember that you are adequate enough to receive all of the things you truly want. You can't keep complaining about someone not stepping up if you keep choosing down.

12. Laughter is really the best key: Sometimes, you literally just have to laugh. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't take everything so seriously.

13. Stop closing yourself off when things go bad: I've been really good at this in the past. As soon as something gets uncomfortable, I shut myself off from the world to suffer independently and silently. It wasn't until I went through something big that I realized how calming and helpful it is to let those closest to you in on your pain. It was through those people that I found my strength again.

14. Check in on your friends more: Your friends — just like you — want to be appreciated. They want to be loved. They want to feel as if someone cares about them. They struggle, too. Don't get so caught up in your own life that you forget about those around you.

15. The goal will probably change, but that doesn't mean you failed: When things don't work out, it's really easy to feel as if you failed. Realistically though, it's not a failure if you're still going. Even if you decide to take a different route to get to the end or if you decide to tweak one smaller goal of the bigger mission, you're still making an effort to get there. In the end, that's what really counts.

16. You don't owe anyone anything: Period. If you don't want to show up, don't. If you don't want to be bothered, you don't have to be. Stop feeling as if you owe everyone a full blown explanation for everything you do. You don't have to be miserable just to make everyone else happy.

17. Likewise, no one owes you anything: Just like you don't owe anyone else anything, no one owes you that either. Remembering this will help you move past things easier and help the process of healing a little quicker.

18. You don't need to be rich to accomplish the mission: How many dreams are you holding off on because of lack of money? It's not always easy to accomplish your vision without all the funds, but God will supply all of the resources, connections, and opportunities when you're obedient and remove fear.

19. There's nothing wrong with being single: Turning 30 will make you think about a lot of things in life — especially when it seems like everyone around you has what you think you want. It's easy to get caught up in the stereotypical "by this age, I should have..." thought process, but everyone's journey is totally different. Being a single, non-kid having, still trying to figure her life out, about to turn 30 woman wasn't the easiest thing to deal with, but it's better to be single and be secure in what you want than to be miserable with someone that isn't right for you. No one wants to go through a divorce early on (or even in general), so if it takes you longer to get to the marriage phase, that's OK. Remember: a wedding is just a day, but a marriage (if done right) will last a lifetime.

20. Do your best to reconnect with good people: Sometimes, time will cause you to lose close contact with good people, but it's your choice to revive those relationships. Thankfully, I made the decision to reconnect with a few really good friends from my past and I'm praying that we never separate again.

21. Never let people take you out of character: People, in the midst of hurting, will do their best to hurt you. They will poke and poke you until they get you to react in the way that they are acting. Fortunately, not every action deserves a reaction, but it's up to you to see that. Show people the God in you at all times.

22. Remain kind: There are not too many things better than running into a kind soul, so why can't you be that for others? It literally costs you nothing to be kind on a regular basis.

23. In the long run, you'll realize that it's never been about you: We live in a selfish world, so of course, we think everything has to be about us. Although I knew this before, I'm constantly reminded that everything is and will always be bigger than you. You have to show up when you're supposed to because if you don't, everyone who needs to get to their next phase can't do that. Your impact is bigger than you think and once you start remembering that you have people to touch (regardless of your age, social status, or financial status), you'll be on the right path.

24. You can't save everyone: When we have people close to us, the first thing we want to do is fix every uncomfortable situation we see them go through. In the process, we sometimes take on their pain and end up hurting ourselves. Despite wanting to, I learned that you can't save everyone and you aren't supposed to. You aren't God, so stop trying to be.

25. You're probably still trying to figure out who you are, and there's nothing wrong with that: Looking at people around you — mainly on social media — will have you thinking that you are not where you "should" be or you don't have all that you "should" have. I felt like that a lot in the past, and I would be a liar if I told you that I don't have my moments currently where I start to think that I don't have myself together. My 29th year taught me that no one, whether 29 or 49, has everything figured out and there's nothing wrong with that. Life is about growth, discovering who you are at that particular time in your life, and being open to that changing when the time comes. Take it a little easier on yourself.

26. People may not like you enough, but you can't blame yourself: I remember beating myself up for failed relationships with men and I kept thinking to myself, "what could I have done to make this better?" Though I haven't been in many relationships, I've had a few crushes and have started talking to men only to be left thinking "why isn't he more attentive to me? He said he liked me. Did I do something wrong?" I'm sure many women — and men — have felt like that, too. The truth of the matter is though, they do like you...just not enough. People will like you enough to get your attention, but when it's time to put in the work or adhere to your boundaries, they'll run away. Sometimes, they know they can't give you what you need or want and sometimes, they just like the chase. It may not always be because you're not "good enough," so stop beating yourself up about someone not stepping up.

27. Faith has to always trump fear: We hear stories about how faith and fear can't thrive at the same time, but I don't know if I was serious about taking fear out of my life until now. Fear will keep you from growing. Fear will keep you from knowing. Most importantly, fear will keep you from you. Let faith lead the way.

28. There's no better feeling than genuinely being you: Since social media pretty much leads the way for everything, it's easy to see someone on there and want to be the type of person that they are. Everyone, at some point, will get caught up in feeling like that. Even Christians. That's why so many people seem like they're the same type of person when you scroll through Instagram. When you're authentically and genuinely you though, people can't replicate that. They can try, but they'll never get it right. You have something special that no one else has. Live in, appreciate, and represent that.

29. Embrace going into a new decade: The realization of turning 30 made me a little nervous at first, but once I began to think of all the good things that were going to come along with it, I started getting excited. Turning 30 is more than just entering a new year; it's entering a whole new decade. Think about all the things you accomplished or didn't accomplish from 20 until now. Aren't you excited about taking all that you learned then and applying it to make your next 10 years better? The moment you start smiling about and appreciating the fact that you're getting older (and how good you look!), you'll make the most of your last year and prepare for all that will be coming after at. So, take a deep breath. You're about to have the time of your life!

Are you as excited about your last year of your 20s as I was? Let me know in the comments!

"The one who gets wisdom loves life; the one who cherishes understanding will soon prosper." — Proverbs 19:8

With Creative (and Exciting) Thoughts,

-Kp