As I went through my list of topics to discuss for this week's devotional, the topic of failure was at the top of it. Although I have plenty to talk about when it comes to that word (which you'll still be able to read about at a later date), insecurity felt more fitting to my life currently and I know a few of you will relate, too.
2018 has been good to me, but for the last two weeks, I haven't felt good about myself.
I woke up this morning feeling a little down on myself and while things have been seemingly going up in my life, my emotions haven't been feeling the same way. Not to say that I haven't been happy or feeling good about life, but some days I just start to doubt myself more than others. I know I can't be the only one that has something really good happen and instead of letting yourself have that moment of feeling high, you start to beat yourself up about how it could be better or what you could do better. Even with everyone telling you that you should celebrate yourself more, you still don't know how to shake that feeling. It definitely sucks and I'm here to tell you that you're not alone in that feeling.
I'd be a liar if I told you that I don't sometimes wish I had more, did something different, or looked differently than what I do. I've had countless moments where I've scrolled through social media and have seen women that I'd like to look like or men that I've felt were way out of my league because of how they look. I've also seen people (some of which I know and some I don't) have a really amazing high in their life and though I've been happy for them, it made me feel less than I was because I haven't really obtained what I wanted yet.
Insecurity, however, is essentially you saying that how God made you isn't good enough.
After struggling with the negative thoughts about myself this morning, the only thing that kept coming to mind as I was praying to God to remove them was "did He not make you well enough? Was there error when He created you?"And though in my mind I wanted to point out all of the things I felt were wrong with me, the answer is just simply no. God did not make me with error and He did not make you with it either. You are perfect in the way He made you. Of course we all have things we'd like to improve on, but when we think less of ourselves and the gifts that God has blessed us with, that's when you're telling God that what He's done for you hasn't been good enough and in your eyes, it'll never be good enough.
We all struggle with negative feelings, but God's love can push you through.
I'll be the first to tell you that I beat myself up more than I probably should about almost everything. From the way my hair turns out to second guessing being vulnerable, I'm literally always thinking "man, that could have been better." (It also may be why I struggle with anxiety and can't really make decisions as quickly as I'd like, LOL.) What I've learned through time though is that sabotaging yourself or your situations can become easy when you let your negative thoughts take the wheel. And realistically, most of our negative thoughts about ourselves (or mine at least) developed because of what someone else thought or said to me about me! How crazy are we to let people have that much control over us (and for that long)?! Now, at 30, I'm realizing how important it is to break that chain of negative and debilitating thoughts. The Bible even warns us many times to watch our thoughts because they will manifest into our reality. Specifically, Philippians 4:8 tells us:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.”
To me, God's love is all of those things. It is pure, it is noble, it is right, admirable, excellent, and of course, praiseworthy. Though there are other things that can fit that description, too, when you put God's love up against those things on the list, it is the only one of them that is always unchanging. Think about it: God loved you enough to keep you going. He loved you enough to make you exactly how you are. To choose you to love someone or even to give you the type of love you've always dreamed of. You are deserving of every good thing God gives you, so don't let your insecurities tell you differently.
My ask: This week, I challenge you to think back to where your insecurity developed. Was it from your own thoughts? Did you gain it from your own comparison or someone else comparing you to their preference? Or was it from what someone else said to you? Whatever it came from, it's time to let that go. For every negative thought you have of yourself this week, combat it with reminding yourself that He did not make you with error. You were created well enough and it's time for you to act like it.
Until next week!
With Creative (and Secure) Thoughts,
-Kp