It's been a few weeks since I've opened up my blog and written a new devotional and no, it's not because I didn't have any material to write about. It's also not because I've been "too busy" to find the time to do this once a week dedication. To be honest, it's simply because I lost my confidence.
One of the hardest things for me to do has been to admit that I lack confidence.
Of course to everyone else that may come as a surprise, but that's definitely my truth and it's something I've struggled with for quite some time. Although I'm often thrown into leadership roles and have had people believe in me more than I probably believed in myself at times, I — like more people than I can count — have talked myself out of my gifts more often than I'd like to admit.
One specific incident that comes to mind in relation to me talking myself out of my gift would honestly be when it comes to this blog. I developed this website in 2013, but because I was terrified about whether or not people would read what I was writing, I postponed launching the blog portion of it. It took me three tries and four years before I would actually get consistent with posting material and more so, being vulnerable with what I was posting.
Although some will say it didn't work out how because the timing wasn't right, I know in the bottom of my heart that it was because of my lack of confidence.
When I battled with losing my confidence about this devotional series (and some other things in my life) a few weeks ago, I just tried to pass it off as me being "tired" or "way too busy" that I just couldn't find time to fit it in. I found myself creating work to do just so I could keep myself from doing the work that God had instructed me to do previously. Essentially though, it was busy work to run from my calling and unfortunately, that's exactly how we're often kept from moving on to next phase of life, our career, or even our purpose.
What God told me, however, was that the same way I had confidence in Him to accomplish the things that I had prayed to Him about, I needed to have that same confidence that I could accomplish my portion of the work down here on Earth.
It's a great thing to know that your confidence, your power, and your growth lies in God, but He doesn't want us to just leave it there. You can't go to Him and pray for change, but continue to do the same things. In order for your fruits to come to harvest, you can't miss your season by lacking confidence to sow good seeds when instructed to. Lack of confidence to accomplish the things you need with the gifts that God has given you will always make you feel as if you're left behind or forgotten about. But just like me, you can get your confidence back and get back on track with doing God's good work. You just have to remember why you've been chosen to do it.
My ask: This week, ask yourself where it is that you lack confidence in your life. What are you potentially holding yourself back from due to not feeling good enough to conquer it? Have you talked yourself out of something God has shown you because you don't think you're the right person for the job? For every reason you give yourself why you can't accomplish a God-instructed task, counter that with reasons why you can. If you have the confidence in God to answer your prayers, start believing that He's given you everything you need to do your part to accomplish them.
"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." — Hebrews 10:35-36
Until next week!
With Creative (and Confident) Thoughts,
-Kp